Trust is many things

I’ve been thinking a lot about trust this week, in part propelled by Brené Brown’s thought-provoking work on the anatomy of trust. What is trust? What are its components? How does it erode? Is there a way to build it back?

The answer to all of those question seems to be a resounding: it depends. Trust is not just one thing, and its erosion is not just one event. By extension whether it can be restored or not, like most things, is a function of life. It truly depends.

This is where feeling into the components of trust in any given situation really helps. Over the past decade, a number of my closest relationships have radically changed: friends I thought were friends forever are no longer in my life; what were casual acquaintances have morphed into deep and nourishing connections. Looking at these fluctuations through the lens of trust and all of its components have helped me see a couple of things more clearly.

First, whatever I judge myself for will be felt like judgement by those around me. For example, if I have a hard time asking for help, it is because I attach a negative value to needing help. Anyone needing help is weak, is what that judgement says. So why would others trust me with their needs?

Secondly, folks can trust me to show up on time and do what I say I am going to do and still not fully trust my intentions and integrity. Just like showing up on time consistently (and not just once) is what makes me reliable, I need to signal my intentions and values over time by acting them, not just announcing them.

Like most of my random reflections, none of this is rocket-science. But it helped me this week. So I am sharing.