On the tail-end of illness

I haven’t been outside since Sunday, and even then it was only because I had to, to keep an appointment. As I am writing this, the slushy snow is falling down outside my window, and I am feeling the residual effects of a bad stomach infection in my body and mind. I feel sluggish, not entirely here and at the same time very much present, anchored in this body that is not completely healed yet.

How quickly misalignment happens. I am not truly sick and so I am working. But I am also not really healthy, and so I am not working in any efficient manner. I empty out my inbox. I sit in on meetings. But I cannot connect.

I recognize this feeling. It doesn’t only come with physical ailments. It is the same for every misalignment: as if there is some sort of bad sepia filter on all my thoughts. Everything feels tainted somehow, unreal, unconnected, like beads not quite on a string, but also not quite independent. Jumbled up. Lost.

As I am writing, the snow has turned from slushy to light and airy. It looks almost weightless. It also looks cold. Fresh. Reviving.

Today is my day to venture outside again, I think. I can almost feel the fog lifting.