In which I love my enemy
One of my favorite meditations is summoning loving kindness, health, peacefulness, ease, and happiness on others. It feels like a mantra — because it is — drawing love and joy to me. But its biggest effect is that it helps me focus on people I either generally don’t think about, or — hardest of all — towards whom I have little empathy.
The truth is, it is relatively easy to hold empathy and love for those we already are in community with. And doing so is awesome, don’t get me wrong! There is not enough expression of love in the world, so I’m not about to quarrel with any part of it. But summoning love and peace towards those I generally don’t care much for is a radical act of defiance. And as such it is necessary.
Yes, I know: this sounds new-agey, turn-the-other-cheekey, and just plain roll-over-ish. Hear me out.
We all exist in our little bubbles. We all gravitate towards people who agree with us, media that confirms our biases, artistic expression that upholds our faith. We tend to hire, date, and befriend folks who look and speak like us. Anyone different from us is not only different, they are “other,” maybe even “lesser,” and certainly not “right.” The more time we spend in our bubbles, the harder it becomes to imagine that one might live differently, whether out of necessity or choice.
But one of the most amazing things about getting out of one’s bubble is the discovery that people mostly are all the same. Sure, there are variations in how we express it, but we all have the same basic needs and desires: to be safe, to be loved, to be able to express ourselves autonomously. These needs and desires might be masked by trauma and hidden by fear, but they rarely vary much.
Sending loving-kindness towards people I generally don’t care for is a way to break through the bubble. It can even be a way to counter fear. It doesn’t say: I accept any and all behavior. It says: regardless of who you are and how you express yourself, we are the same. We have the same value. We are worthy of love.
