Taking the time to be me

Over the past couple of years, I have been toggling a bit more than usual between rural Denmark and urban New York. In fact: between a small island and one of the largest metropolises in the world. And much as I love both Samsø and Brooklyn, it is jolting. Every. Single. Time. The more I live in my body, the more jolting it feels. The more jolting most things feel.

I guess the point is just that the more I am in my body, the more I feel.

There are real benefits to this feeling. I have been able to carve out the time I need for silence, regularly. I hear the call in my body for physical beauty, exercise, rest. I am able to confidently draw boundaries around the prep-time I need for being in the midst of others.

And yet. Right now I am struggling with the return to the metropolis. It feels positively overwhelming. On the first couple of days, even being at home with my spouse and child felt overwhelming, just like the first couple of days of silence on Samsø felt impossibly vast.

I believe the duality is helpful for me. The older I get, the more silence I crave. But I also feel starved for company and communion when I am too far from my chosen family. The issue is how to support my full self in moving from one to the other.

This is where I could say that yoga is key. And it is. But it is not always straightforward. Because this stuff is hard, peoples. It’s not just the moving or the breathing or even the moving with the breath. It is walking into the feeling of overwhelm or loneliness or sadness or joy. It is feeling into where it resides and what that tells me about what to do next.

It is taking the time to be me.