The rest I need

Sometimes you have to feel things in your body for them to be real.

I’ll give you an example: I know that I need spaciousness around activities, whether they are physical or emotional or both. I need time to recover after travel, time to recollect myself after tricky (or heavy) conversations, time to breathe into whatever was, and whatever comes next. This is how I stay present. It is also the only way I actually learn.

As an aside, this is true for most people, and it is the reason we do savasana (corpse or final resting pose) at the end of our vinyasa practice: it teaches our bodies to pause and reflect.

I know this. But I sometimes ignore it. Over the past two weeks I have moved from one activity to another, traveled thousands of miles via airplane and car, facilitated more than a handful of tricky conversations, misheard and been misunderstood and had to re-establish faith. I have also stayed out late, slept way too little, and done all those other things that prevent rest, including injecting alcohol, sugar, and caffeine. (Being clear: I am not saying everyone should avoid those things always, I’m saying they manifestly affect my sleep and wellbeing negatively, and I know it).

The predictable result has been deep exhaustion that almost feels like I am sleep-walking. This morning, one week after I returned from my latest travel, I finally feel awake. And I have another marathon trip ahead in a couple of days.

This time, I tell myself, I want to look at it (even) more realistically, building in (even) more moments of rest. This time I won’t come back a ghost.

This is the work. Noticing life and all that it brings. Hearing what my body says about rest and activity. Adjusting to be present. Allowing myself to be.