In which I try

This morning I am sitting with the knowledge that I have the capacity to do harm. I know this, because I do it all the time: unwittingly, mostly; but sometimes I know even as I am doing (or not doing) something, that my action (or inaction) is harmful.

This knowledge, I believe, is central to change.

I have had countless conversations with friends about this over the years. Some urge me to go easier on myself, to not take on too much. Others agree that, of course we all are petty at times, but on the whole, we are “good people.” Even in the eternal chitchat conversation I have with myself in my mind, I toggle between “but I am a good person,” “I know I could have done better,” and “I try, I really try.”

All of these can be true at the same time. What’s more: they generally are.

As human beings we have deep capacity for love and deep capacity to do harm. It is for us to discern each and maximize the love we put into the world. Yoga sets out a path for this: restraints and practices that help organize our thoughts and behavior for love. Other thought, belief, or ethical systems do the same, some with reference to God or gods, some speaking of spirit, soul, light, or the divine. Personally, I prefer to think of all of it as love, but I honestly am fairly agnostic.

Most of these belief systems have this in common: they posit that, in order to be at peace with ourselves, the earth, and others, we must simultaneously love ourselves as we are and know that we have the capacity to do harm.

Because we are, all of us, good people and we all could do better. The true test is in the trying.