Lifting out of the muck

I have a super complicated month coming up.

Nah, that’s a lie, it is already here.

Some of the complications have organically evolved: they just are what they are, and occurred when they occurred, and they happened to occur at the same time. Some are more self-imposed: even as I am getting better at setting boundaries and understanding my deep need for silence and space, I overfill my life.

Whatever the process, the result right now is that I am watching a mountain of work and emotional labor approaching me, and I know I have to move over it, through it, above it, to reach November.

[Deep breaths].

It has felt heavy. I have reached out to friends for support and that has felt good. It has taken me time to learn to ask for help, and I now know to ask for what I need. I have made sure that I had time to sleep, even though it hasn’t always happened, and that has felt good too. Whatever the work burden, I no longer sit up through the night to try to get the impossible done. I have hugged, and been hugged, by my beautiful spouse much and often, and grounding in that touch of deep accepting love has been essential. I don’t know what I would have done without that.

But what I haven’t done is step out of the heaviness to feel the lightness that is also part of this.

Earlier this week I read something to the effect that, you can think of something as a burden, or you can think of it as part of the dance, your choice. (Apologies to whomever wrote that, and please do help me find the source so I can credit them).

The truth is, everything has some part of heaviness and some part of light. A hand on the ground, a hand reaching towards the sky. A pot of soil, a seedling reaching for the sun. Even music generally has a beat and a fluttering meandering melody.

Today, I am pushing out of the muck to flourish. Or at least that is my intention.