What we mean when we use boring words like “love”
I’ve been thinking a lot about platitudes lately: the things we say so often that they have lost all meaning. “We stand with peace and democracy.” “We will show steadfast support.” Any version of “thoughts and prayers.”
If you, like me, have spent a lot of time doing advocacy at the United Nations, most of these expressions make your eyes glaze over and your jaw hurt from trying not to yawn. Not to put too fine a point on it, but platitudes are just really boring.
I am aware, of course, that I use plenty of platitudes myself, including in these pages. “All we need is presence.” “Love is core.” Etc. ad nauseum. Because the thing is: platitudes, at least most of the time, carry some kernel of truth and authenticity, something someone once meant, like, a LOT. Personally, I know I really mean it when I say that presence and love are key to a joyous life. And I have a hard time saying it any other way.
The limitation of regular speech is the clearest to me when it comes to my family. Often when I am doing something mundane with my spouse and child, like watching an inane television show, cooking, walking, or just driving from one place to another, I feel so complete, so full of love, that I don’t know how to express or contain it. It wants out, but “I love you” feels borderline offensive in its mundanity. It just isn’t enough. So I tear up or squeeze someone’s hand or whoop or something equally weird. Fortunately, silly is our love language and so in that specific case, we have out-maneuvered platitudes at least at the moment.
But what with the larger context? I suspect that whooping and squeezing of hands is not the best idea in a professional context. What to do then, when words become meaningless?
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if we just went back to describing what something feels like in our bodies, whether good or bad. “I want to cry when I think of doing this task.” “I feel like singing when I think of unionizing.” “When I stand next to you, I feel the warmth of your presence and support.”
In these times of big events and even bigger emotions, it feels essential to know how we feel, what it means, and how to express it. It requires more specificity, sure. But that is kind of the point.
