The wisdom lives in me

Just because something is worth doing, it doesn’t mean that you have to do it.

I was 24 years old when someone said this to me the first time. The person who said it was a mentor and friend, who also happened to be my agent (and a pastor in the Anglican Church). I couldn’t find my way, with so many options and possibilities. He was gentle, but clear. “This will not be the last time,” he said. “Throughout your life, people will recognize that you are a capable person and ask you to do things with them and for them. You need to find a way to distinguish between your path and that of others.”

So far, this has been correct. And it’s not just other people. I have myself often perceived that something needed doing, known that I would be capable of doing it, and felt a compulsion to carry it through. Lifeguarding. Parent-representative. Employee liaison. Not necessarily things I would have wanted to do, had I sat down and felt into it.

Distinguishing between my path and that of others has gotten slightly easier over time, by virtue of living in this liminal period between young and old that we call middle age. There are things I definitely will not do now: running another marathon (because, knees); becoming a medical doctor (because, 10-12 years of training); sailing singlehanded around the globe (because, ultimately I am actually sane).

But the waters are muddied by the fact that I can’t really contain impossibility. I am lucky and grateful to have been raised to believe I can do anything, to be predisposed to keep learning, to want to do it all. My lived experience is that whatever I want to do, I could probably find a way to make happen. I am speaking of attitude here, more than reality: this is knowledge that lives in my bones, born of privilege and support.

And so, just like my mentor said when I was 24, it is a question of knowing what I want to do, of distinguishing between my path and that of others. It’s still hard. I still need to sit with questions, sometimes for days. But as opposed to when I was younger, I know the wisdom to discern also lives in me.