The privilege of doing what I need to do

Is it possible to rest in advance? If so, I’m testing it out this week. I have a weekend with predictably very little sleep coming up, and, in preparation, I am trying to get at least 9 hours of sleep every night, eating well, hydrating, getting both exercise and quiet.

Everything is better this way. I have always needed a lot of sleep. And I get immediate physical repercussions from unhelpful dietary choices, which in my case look like not eating when I am hungry, or eating when I am not: exhaustion, dizziness, discomfort. Skip the daily meditation? I get fuzzy on what my emotional reactions really are and where they come from. Not enough water? I feel itchy and grumpy and sore.

So why is it that I need an upcoming event to keep me accountable to the things I already know will help me?

The short answer for some of this is: instant gratification. I know I’ll feel (much) better in the morning if I go to bed at 9:30pm but I also want to sit around and talk with my spouse or watch mind-numbing British detective shows we’ve watched a thousand times before. I know my sleep is deeper, healthier, less disturbed without alcohol, but I do enjoy that glass of wine. And so on and so forth ad nauseum.

Recently, I have found power in reframing away from what I am not doing towards what is real. When I go to bed earlier, I enjoy descending leisurely and unhurriedly into sleep. When I sit in silence, I enjoy the feeling of my breath going in and out of my torso. When I eat what I need when I need it, I love the calm feeling in my stomach and mind. I enjoy the cool pleasure of water on my palate. I relish the warmth and smell of coffee before it even hits my throat.

These are not deprivations. These are not sacrifices I make in service of later gain. These are privileges and joys in themselves.