Curiosity is the true grit

A number of years ago, a colleague of mine decided to resign from his job. I remember being really surprised: he clearly enjoyed it and was very good at it. When I asked him why, he pointed to longevity. I’ve been here for 11 years, he said, and 10 is usually my limit. In fact, he mused, 10 years should be the limit for everyone.

This conversation has stayed with me.

It’s not that all jobs should automatically expire after 10 years. It’s that renewal and curiosity are key to engaging meaningfully with a complex world, and it becomes harder to embody those values as time goes by. We get set in our ways, is the saying, but it is more true to say that we self-censor and start adjusting to our environment without even noticing it. We check out to a certain extend. It is hard to keep noticing the unfamiliar in the familiar. It takes more effort, focus, and determination. In short: it takes grit.

The same can be said for intimate relationships: it is the rarest of couples that stays together over decades while allowing themselves and the other to grow as they need to, with true curiosity for where they might go. We tend to put limits on ourselves and each other out of fear of abandonment, or maybe just out of love. And most of the time, we don’t even notice.

There’s the rub: in the noticing.

Because no one has it all figured out for any longer than 2 seconds tops. We are change, all of us, all the time. Even as we tend to ossify into complacency, the situation we feel complacent about is already gone. The fluidity is overwhelming at times, but it is also a gift: to see beyond what always is, to notice renewal in ourselves and each other, to be curious about what we can do, if only we believe.